nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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