quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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