I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
