Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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