Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
