I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
