...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
