i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize