This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
