i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
