Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize