I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
