maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
