she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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