I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
