She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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