I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
