Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
