When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
