I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
