I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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