Your mouth is God's brothel.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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