I hope mine doesn't look like that
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
