Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
