from now on my penis is your penis
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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