Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
