It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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