I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
