I want to stick my p in your. b.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
