yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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