um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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