if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
