mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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