If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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