Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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