he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
