successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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