just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
