we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
