ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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