I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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