i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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