if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
