He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
