i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
