I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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