I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
