I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
