I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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