Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
