Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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