I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
