i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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