I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
