I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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