I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
