at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What a dumb baby whore.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
