too bad you live with your parents still
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
