i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I would fuck him just for his dog
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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