i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i barfeds in our rink
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
