Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
