were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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