my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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