She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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