She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
