I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
