yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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