Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
