she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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