I got chris browned last night
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize