I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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